58th Day of Summer

As promised, I was able to edit and post two videos today so here is the second one!  This is actually a follow up video to the last video, I did a second tour around 12:30 am after I finished cleaning the house.  There are a few clips of the kids playing that follow the tour!  This far into the summer I started to realize that I had a lot more of the day to share and started adding in additional footage at some point along the way!  These videos definitely worked exactly the way I had hoped.  It went from walking around showing off our mess to recording the kids playing, showing off the garden, showing off our CLEAN HOME!  Woah, haha!  Me actually yup, you know what I am going to say next…  I started vlogging, for real vlogging, with my face alone on the camera.  I know, I am as shocked as you are.  Then comes “Summer’s Corner” games, karaoke, more playtime.  And, dare I even mention I end up doing karaoke all alone, like for realz singing by myself in front of a camera.  I mean, it isn’t pretty, I can never get through a song with all the right words or stay in key but I did it!  AND, I am really going to post those videos too, for real.  As soon as I get there, in editing.  UGH CURSE YOU ICLOUD!!! But just know, we have so much more fun coming up!!!! SO (please) …READ MORE

The 57th Day of Summer

So I thought it would be a good idea to share our new videos from our (click here) ->YouTube<- channel!  I started a video project at the beginning of the summer called “The 77 Days of Summer”.  It was really meant to catapult us into making videos because my daughter, Summer is so intrigued with Vlogging!  Only, we didn’t know where to start, I felt super awkward on camera and I would get SO NERVOUS every time I tried to put something together.  So there we were two weeks in after promising that we would start this venture and nothing, not one movie had been made.  It was the second day of summer and I just said you know what, we gotta start somewhere, everyone has to start somewhere!  I grabbed my phone, turned the camera away from me and started walking around the house, pointing out the mess that had also felt like this huge eyesore we couldn’t get around!  Because, how to do you film around the constant mess?!  Summer at first was like, “Mom..  what are you doing?  This is not what I was talking about!!”.  But a few videos later she was totally on board and our love for making these videos turned into all sorts of shenanigans! Right now I have over a thousand video clips on my phone plus additional footage on our camcorder, ranging from a few seconds to 15 or so minutes each!  I was editing right along until I started to …READ MORE

When a Boy Met a Girl + 16 Years

I am absolutely the worlds worst blogger!  I feel terrible that I haven’t sat down to write in so long.  I have so much that I wanted to talk about.  Disney!!  O M G.  How have I not talked about Disney?  I have just been so wrapped up in our videos/ photography/ my internship/ graphics/ summertime/ kids/ house stuff/ mothering lately that I just never seem to get here.  To this seat.  Where I am supposed to be writing.  I have been vlogging though!  Yup.  I am a vlogging, I am a vlogger, it happened.  It was this ever so gradual thing that just happened.  These videos are like my drug right now, I can’t even begin to explain how addictive it is to look back at all the memories, the kids little faces, all the changes in the house.  It is all just so irreplaceable.  I have so much beautiful footage, and silly footage and messy footage!!  It is just all so much fun.  So much that I never want to pull myself away but I am finding a way to balance it all. One day I will get to all the Disney pictures I want to share and all the memories I want to type out.  Honestly, it will probably just end up in another video.  I was thinking about interviewing Summer while were watching my clips that I got while we were there and the pictures.  We could talk and reminisce about it all, I think that …READ MORE

#messyhometour

I have some new recipes coming out this week and a ton of videos that have made their way to our channel this past weekend so go check those out and tell me what you think!  I started a video project a few weeks ago that we now call the #messyhometour.  It started out I think as a way to motivate me towards making videos because it is something that would mean a lot to my daughter.  She has fallen in love with a popular You Tube family and it is her absolute dream right now to be just like them.  They have been making videos for years and I know nothing about making videos but I thought you know what, this is a way that we can bond.  After the year that we have just had, we really need that.  We need something to pull us closer together and give us more glue as a family.  From there I started to connect all the dots with my blog.  My blog shouldn’t be all about me and my feelings.  My blog should be a showcase of my family and all thats awesome about us!  I have a heartfelt post coming up this week about Florida and I will go in depth about what happened on our trip and why it changed me.  But for now lets just say, Florida changed my life.  I came back a different woman than I was when I headed towards that plane for our first take off. …READ MORE

This is the World.

So lately, I just want to fix all the things.  Every last thing in my life.  Everything I look at.  Everything I touch.  I need to fix it all, and fast. My family just came back from the most amazing trip to Disneyworld.  It wasn’t planned.  It was completely spur of the moment.  One day we are living our normal dragging our feet backwards lives, two weeks later we are in Florida.  We were planning on staying in my husband’s cousins home while my mother in law was caring for her children.  Her husband spends most of the year traveling for work while she stays home with their kids.  She is suffering from an alcohol addiction and my mother in law was the closest person to her that she trusted to stay with them while she went away to try and rehabilitate her life.  Her husband graciously flew us down there to see her because he has half a billion frequent flyer miles and he is just a really nice guy.  So, there we were two weeks later finding ourselves at this strange home in Florida with these two kids we had never met before.  Our hopes were high, and they were quickly crushed.  The ashes were blown all over the tall grass that surrounded their property.  This poor home had seen better days and these children were a mess.  We spent two nights and three days with them and by then we were done.  We packed up our kids …READ MORE

New-ish YouTube Channel + 5 Minute Writing Update

I think the toughest part about blogging is consistency.  Choosing to write as a form of work yet also your hobby is tough because somehow actually sitting down at the computer always ends up on the back burner.  At least, that is how it has always been for me.  I think all day long about blogging while I am doing other things like housework and then at the end of the day I am too tired to actually write all the things that go through my head down. I started this series about a week ago on my YouTube Channel that really opened my eyes to writing in small spurts.  I have been making these movies every morning where I just walk through our messy house and say hey this needs to be done and that needs to be folded but here we are just me and these crazy kids here living life + we are ok in this messy house!  I can’t be the only one, right?  Raise your hand if your house stays a hot mess in the summertime!!  I have always been embarrassed to have anyone see our house messy but right now I am experiencing two children home 24/7 and I am realizing, I can’t be the only mom going through this!  Keeping the house clean this summer is going to be next to impossible!!  …  I also ask them both how their morning is going and what we are going to do that day.  Of …READ MORE

The Stages of Grief

I think the most important thing to always remember is to never give up.  No matter how many times you have tried to change, tried to become a better person, wake up early, be a better employee, wife or mother.  Whatever it is in your life that is holding you back or constantly feeling like a failure, if you give up on it then you will fail, forever.  My life is a mess right now.  I have felt like I was teetering on rock bottom for weeks.  We have never struggled harder. Unexpectedly becoming a stay at home mom isn’t at all a dream.  It has felt mostly like a nightmare from the very beginning.  First desperately trying to make money from inside the house (denial).  From there I began lashing out on everyone while giving up on my small business to accept taking on the stay at home life in all it’s glory (anger).  Next, convincing myself and my husband that we could afford this life just by living simpler + cancelling out our debt (bargaining).   And then came the depression and…  here I am.  Depressed.  I thought I would never type that actual word….  Sadness.  Sadness is ok.  But to admit depression feels so clinical.  Sure, I have probably been depressed most of my adult life and all of my late childhood.  Sure, if I went to a therapist they would say yeah you are in denial, this is depression.  But to admit that to myself, no …READ MORE

Choose Life

Life is hard, the struggles are real We’re all suffering, we all feel The air is heavy, we bare the weight It happens when we procreate My children deserve more, my husband too I can’t continue being so blue Today was hard, another mistake I feel defeated, more than I can take I can’t stay down here on my knees The world is ticking by I have to pick myself up, before I start to cry There has to be a light out there The struggle has to end I have big dreams I cannot see, I’m always on the mend I’m searching for the rainbow The sparkling gleam of light I’m crawling round the darkness, in the middle of the night The years are short The days are long I need to finally end this song Stop wallowing, stop crying, stop praying for change You are the only person who could possibly rearrange This shattered life, the pain and strife, the chains that bare us down The example that you set, every time you choose to frown Stop holding on and bust this frame, there’s nothing left to loose The only rock that’s left unturned is a life that you must choose   ~ Danielle Johnson ~ 05/25/17 ~ 2:25 pm ~

Good Vibes

I am in a much better head space today. I made a few changes in my day yesterday that definitely made a difference.  For starters, I went running which I haven’t done in far too long.  Running made me feel amazing, it is a feeling that I NEED every day.  Running is sanity, running is clarity, running is peace.  I couldn’t wait to go again today.  Unfortunately life had other plans and by the time I got home from my morning earrins Mason had fallen asleep in the car.  But I said to myself you know what?!  I am going to sweat somehow, someway.  So I went out back, finished picking up a pile of dirt left from when I leveled out the pool last week (small pool, very small pool) and then I said ok, I need to sweat more.  I pulled out the lawnmower and now I feel all, you know that feeling after you work out, when your muscles kind of hurt and feel engaged?  I feel that now which although running really is a mental high for me, having that feeling still really lifts my mood and makes me feel strong, powerful and ready to take on the world. Yesterday I cleaned all the bins leftover in our playroom from when I was sorting through clothes to give away.  There are still a lot more to go in the basement but somehow it looks worse than ever down there so I need to make some huge …READ MORE

Is this the Beginning or the End?

I haven’t been writing I think because I have been so down lately.  After I wrote that super honest post I just haven’t been able to bring myself back to read it again.  It needs to be edited but I just can’t.  I feel like if I remember what I wrote, I will delete it.  My mother ignored my call on Mother’s Day.  She never called back, not even the next day or the day after.  She pretends on Facebook like everything is ok.  Nothing is ok.  I can’t say that I have ever felt this alone, and that is saying something.  Not saying that one thing directly correlates with the other but, it doesn’t help to feel rejected by your own mother…. I give up on her.  I give up on all things that made me this person.  I hate this person.  I give up. My husband is tired of the mess that is my life.  He expects me to fix it on my own.  I wish he understood how hard it is to overcome the sadness that has enveloped my body, it is hard to breath let alone stand tall.  I feel pathetic and useless, I feel like a failure.  I feel so many emotions that I keep inside because I have no one to share them with.  I can’t expect anything from anyone.  Not that I ever did but, I need to stop using my loneliness and this constant heel dragging state of mind as my own …READ MORE