I’m at the end of my maternity leave. I’ve been home for almost three months and now I only have five weeks left. Only five short weeks. In reality it should feel like five whole long weeks left with my baby but it doesn’t. I’ve already doubled that in time spent home so, really I might as well be going back tomorrow because my days are quickly coming to an end.
I’ve learned a lot about myself this time around. Mostly, that I wish I could make this moment last forever. Because this time, something is different. It’s not that I feel any more in love. It’s not as if it was so much easier leaving my daughter than it will be my son. It’s just that this time I envy those who can be home with their children forever. It is so hard for me to think that in just a few short weeks I will have to hand over my innocent baby to someone else and trust that they will care for him the way that I can. And, it just breaks my heart to think that I am going to miss so much while I am at work.
I just think about my daughter who is five years old now. I think about the five years that flew by in the blink of an eye and now she is a grown little girl making decisions for herself. She’ll always be my baby but she is not by any means a baby anymore. And, I honestly feel like I missed so much of everything. Because really, I did. I missed forty+ hours every week of her life. My grandparents watched as she learned and played and grew, all while I sat alone behind a computer screen. It’s honestly, depressing when you think about it. But, it is a reality that so many mothers face each year and I am one of them. As hard as this is going to be, it is my reality, I am just going to have to face it head on and do what I have to do for my family. Financially, I have to work, and that is what I am going to do.
So for now, I will cherish all the little smiles while I still have an unlimited amount.