I have been blogging for longer than I would ever like to admit. Not because I am ashamed of blogging but because, I have had more blogs under various different names depicting different aspects of my life than probably anyone, ever. Ok and maybe I am just a little bit ashamed. Not because I should be but because, I am painfully shy and blogging like this is a real push. I have sat by and watched other women as they swoop in and become “overnight” sensations, in the matter of a few years taking their hobby blogs from unknown to full blown business while I sit here still trying to figure out what my niche is. I mean I am a mom, I know that I like to blog about recipes, crafts and my kids so technically that makes me a mom blogger, right?
But I have been blogging for so long that I am old and new all at the same time and it is all very confusing for me. When I started blogging, blogs were more like journals where people let out their frustrations and then prayed that someone, anyone might read it. Or maybe prayed that no one would ever read it because we wanted our blog to be private yet for some reason felt the need to publish our private thoughts online for all to see. There were no hashtags. We could not tweet our recent posts, add them to our Facebook page and Instagram an accompanied photo. Twitter and Facebook didn’t even exist. I don’t know, don’t quote me on that, maybe it did but if so I wasn’t using it yet. I know Myspace was a thing at the time but I wasn’t using that either. My point is, I am still trying to figure this blogging thing out.
I find myself writing blog posts in my head every day that never make it to the screen because I guess most of the time I am just too scared to put it out there. Something has always been holding me back. My blogging story is basically a metaphor of my life. I somehow hold myself back from everything just at the end, just when things are about to get good. We build a beautiful house, it is 95% finished, we’ve been living in it for over three years yet it still has primer on almost all of it’s walls. I go to school for a hundred years part time, I am one year away from my nursing degree with no desire to finish. I get everything out to start a project then everything sits on the counter for a week before I even look at it again. Story of my life. I have been talking about trying to make money blogging for so long that it has become a running joke in our house. But how do I admit that I have been at this for over ten years and still have no clue what I’m doing? Not a clue.
I’ve dabbled in graphic design, I taught myself some coding, I’ve joined e-courses I have yet to read, I follow other successful bloggers to inspire me yet I still don’t know how to start. How do I focus my energy on this, how do I organize things, what am I good at that others would be interested in? How can I help other people? Where do I start? Am I so worried about what to write that I just don’t write at all? It is so counterproductive. I feel like I am the biggest procrastinator on earth. It’s always, I’ll do that later, tomorrow, next week. It is never yes let’s do that right now. And then later never comes. I need my later now. I need to figure this whole blogging thing out. Does anyone else ever feel like this?
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