It’s been eleven years since I started blogging but you’d never know it. I don’t have 30 thousand loyal followers, I don’t have a book deal or a successful weekly podcast. I actually don’t have anything to show for my many many years of sharing my soul online. Or at least, that’s how it used to be.
When I first started blogging I was like yes this is amazing. As someone who has kept a journal her entire life it only made sense to start typing my feelings instead of keeping them on paper. The site I was on turned into this little secret world of girls just like me sharing and forming bonds it was so meaningful to me at the time. But it was a secret. Everything that I wrote everything that I takes about was a secret. I never planned on putting myself out there for all to see that just isn’t in my nature.
I blogged steady every single day for hours on end and taught myself how to do some coding so I could begin to create my own website. The focus was on health and wellness, something I was very passionate about. I dreamed this whole life up for myself that I would create online but it all came crashing down.
Dieting and exercising had become more than a blogging lifestyle for me and I needed to step away from my life online in order to focus on getting myself healthy. I began planning my wedding, got married, worked two jobs, went back to school, got pregnant, had a baby, moved in withy dad, built a house, had another baby, started a blog, quit my job, started an Etsy business, and here I am. Not blogging. My husband says I am never going to really do this so I should just stop taking about it. But it is so sad for me to throw in the towel now just because blogging has turned into this whole celebrity level Huffington Post popularity contest. Just because the thought of having my face plastered all over the internet makes me feel uncomfortable, I can’t walk away now I just can’t. As hard as it is for me to put my thoughts out there, it is harder for me to actually speak the words to literally anyone so I might as well just finally release. I need a release. Not to share recipes or look at me bullshit. To really talk about my feelings, the whole reason why I ever started blogging in the first place. Not to make money, not to exploit my children, not to get a rise out of people. But to just simply release my feelings out there into the world and who knows, maybe make a few friends along the way. So that’s it. That is why I want to blog. That’s what this blog is all about. From now on.