Blogging Dear Diary

Be True To Yourself.

I’ve recently come to the realization that I want this blog to be more.  Mostly, because I want myself to be more.  I know that most of you don’t know me and have probably never read a single word I’ve ever written.  Even each and every one of you who now make up the 3k+ followers I’ve gained across social media in the past few months.  I know this because I have been around the block a few times.

When I started blogging the entire point was to actually write.  I know, can you believe it?  We all wrote because we wanted to be writers.  SO STRANGE, I know.  We anonymously poured out our souls to each other convincing ourselves we all cared so much,  although we never actually planned to meet in real life.  There was no Twitter or Instagram, or Facebook.  There was no behind the scene pictures and videos.  Blogging was all about the words, the writing, the feelings, the stories.  OUR STORIES.

You weren’t running around trying to promote your own face, monetizing and collaborating with brands.  Yet somehow over the past twelve+ years that I’ve been blogging, it has come to this.  The diary like platform I once knew and loved has turned into a full fledge industry crammed with -UPDATED- Because, I am really not the bitch this post makes me out to be.

Alright, I’ve definitely said too much.  This isn’t me.  I am not a mean person, I am honestly a really easy going -Nice person.  Well, maybe not easy going but I am nice.  I respect others.  And, I will certainly help anyone who asks, whenever I can.  I have spent the past few months getting to know and help these woman because I genuinely enjoy it… who knew.  And because of my involvement I have now been nominated for two “blogging awards”.  I am pretty sure whoever invented these awards just saw it as another way to pull in page views but lets pretend they actually mean something.  Lets just say, I kinda feel like I have arrived.  The people, they are coming.  I have doubled my page views every month for the past three months.  That is seriously impressive to me.  I laid in bed last night like a crazy person studying my stats projecting my growth for the next year.  What – On – Earth is happening to me?

I never saw myself being the type of blogger who could actually make money off of anything that I have written.  And, maybe that is why I have become so salty towards those who do.  In my mind somehow I have convinced myself that I just don’t fit into this world.  I am not all pink and glitter, my house isn’t ready for the pages of Better Homes at any given moment, my look isn’t refined and trendy, I don’t see why anyone would care about my life.  But maybe that is the point.  Maybe there is a place for me among all of you who feel the same way.  Maybe if I can just find my people this would all start making a lot more sense.  Like, what do “my people” like?  OR- what do I like?  Right?  Because this blog is supposed to be a reflection of my life.  Or at least, that’s what I have always thought.

I am not looking to find some money making niche here.  I am NEVER going to sell out and blast you with some pop up ad every time you try to come back and actually read my words…. followed by some cliche t-shirts I nonchalantly convince you to buy.  Not gonna happen.  This blog is and always will be a piece of me.  There is not one ounce of me who will ever be ok with my image becoming another stamped out page to the diaries of lets stay home and hammer out craft after DIY recipe bullshit.  So if you are a mom.  Or a dad.  Or a grandma.  Or maybe you don’t even have kids.  But your cool.  You like mosh pits and heavy base.  You wear a lot of black in a very non conformist way.  You’re quiet and internal.  Emotional in a way that you never share.  Maybe you like to cook, you like to craft but it’s not all trendy and in your face.

Maybe you like to write.  You like to read.  You genuinely care to get to know someone.  Then this blog is for you.  If you want to watch me and my family look like absolute jackasses once in awhile.  If you want to laugh and cry, then this blog is for you.  If you are looking for something different.  A real story.  A fight.  Then this blog is for you.  And to anyone who has ever felt like they didn’t belong.  THIS BLOG IS FOR YOU.  So subscribe.  Come back.  Read.  Wait for me to finally sit down on my ass and get these words to page, tell my stories, share my heart.  Because I promise you, I am ready.  This blog is happening.  I have owned it.  For the first time, I am not walking away.  I am facing the wall scared and apprehensive but closing my eyes and saying fuck it.  This is me.  This is my life.  Love me or hate me.  As much as I care.  Because I really am the type who CARES so much.  Too much.  About what others think of me.  I am deciding not to care anymore.  I DON’T CARE!!!  There, I said it.  So it has to be real right?!  Here goes nothing….

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