Dear Diary

Two Steps Forward, One Back

To me the sound of quiet means a cat purring, a dishwasher running, a bunny stirring in his cage, my husband snoring on the couch, two different children songs playing on the monitor switching back and forth and sounds from my brother in law moving around upstairs getting ready for bed.  This is my life right now, total chaos and noise even when it is supposed to be quiet.  This is my life always.  It must be like this for everyone else, I feel like when you become parents quiet no longer exists.  I don’t know what I would do if it was quiet.  I would probably freak out.

I have been in the worlds worst mood today, and my last post was just an absolute.. there is just no way to say it without using inappropriate words.  It was a low point.  I was so angry.  I should probably delete it.  Honestly, I have so much anxiety about writing, about putting myself out there, that I think I just avoid it. But I am getting to the point in my life that I realize if I don’t do something, something else is going to give.  I need to get better and be happier.  I know I am a miserable grouch of a person sometimes or a lot of the time, maybe that is why I can never make blogging friends.  Either that or because I never produce any valuable content, it could be that too.  And I know that, I know that I need to get it out there.  I finally sat down and made a blogging schedule so my plan is to put that into motion.

I want to start telling my story but it makes me really super uncomfortable to tell my story.  Like really super uncomfortable.  But I know that it is the one piece of me I need to pour out so I can maybe get some closure.  There are so many things in my life that would feel so much better if I talked about them.  I just really don’t know if I can tell the entire story, it honestly might just be a bit too much for this blog because I wanted this blog to be family friendly and fun.  Maybe I will start a separate site for my story.  I don’t know, I will figure it out as I go I guess. Maybe I could just put a warning on the page that it is R rated or something, haha.  X rated, hahaha!!

Anyway, I really do have blogging work that I need to get out because I was nominated for two different blogging awards, and I was honestly really excited them when I first found out, before I realized how they actually worked but who cares honestly.  I’ve put myself out there enough that the community knows me and found my name so, that is still cool.  There are a bunch of questions that I have to answer for both of them so I am going to do that and then who knows.  I have so many things on my to do list right now it isn’t even funny.  I also had a collaboration with an amazing brand!  I am really excited to talk about them and to share that content.  I have a video and some great pictures plus I want to tell you about my experience with them, they are a great company!

In other news.

I tried to paint the ceiling today.  I have absolutely gotten tired of staring at our ceiling all day.  We had a leak a really long time ago and when Mark tried to patch the ceiling himself he did a really amateur job and never finished sanding or painting.  SO yeah it’s looked like a big scar on our ceiling for the longest time and I’m finally like NO… I can’t look at it anymore!  I am going to do whatever I can!  So I went and got all the painting supplies from our basement and laid everything out on our dining room table.  I opened the can, stirred, got the step stool and stood there starring at this massive spot that has been the thorn in my side for so long.  I got up on the step stool and got to work.  I did the entire spot and it looked even; for the moment I was thinking once I sanded and painted again it was going to look so much better!  But then it started to dry.  And I started to realize that I had used the wrong paint.  I painted the entire spot on our ceiling with the paint that was leftover from the wood molding.  SO yeah… let that sink in.  Looks great now!  Looks like a giant shiny bandaid, lumpy around the edges and everything.  So yeah… now I need a few sanding blocks and some ceiling paint so I can repaint the entire ceiling.  Can’t wait.

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