Dear Diary

30 Days

There is no easy way to say this.  I honestly don’t even know if I want to say this.  I have been thinking and overanalyzing what I should and should not write about on this blog for months.  Should I be something that I am not?  Should I push myself to hashtag this and hashtag that?  Should I focus on marketing and influencing and all these foreign things that blogging has become?  The internal struggle triggered my recent super bitch fest post and then I thought NO I can’t say all those things, I can’t trash all of these women it’s just not right.  I am not here to put other people down.  I might not be doing a great job of raising people up but I’m really not trying to hurt anyone in my process. My process.  What does that even mean?  Does anyone on the planet even blog like this anymore?  I honestly thought NO until this morning when I remembered dooce.com, all I had to do was read her about page and it hit me like a ton of bricks, Heather B. Armstrong is apparently my muse.  Strangely enough, we both started blogging over a decade ago, back when people actually wrote about their feelings, I can’t help but make the connection. This to me says, if she can still be writing from this place of truth and honestly, if she can talk about her kids while mixing in jokes about marijuana with a healthy dose of fuck this and ass that then, why can’t I?  I mean ok- so I obviously fucked my life up by not sticking to one handle since the beginning of time like she did.  Ergo I don’t have the following or the clout to be acting that way but you know what, fuck it. I’m at this place in my life right now where honestly, if I don’t find a way to heal myself I am going to loose everything.  Because my head is just that fucked up.  I am just that lost.  Not all the time.  Not every waking moment of my life.  I am certainly no longer the train wreck I was earlier this year but not I am just stuck in this strange limbo period where I feel like anything and nothing are possible at the very same time. I have insomnia.  I apparently have some “special” form of menstruation that causes me to go into fits of uncontrollable rage once a month.  I am also pretty sure I spent the first year+ of my son’s life unknowingly suffering from postpartum depression.  My life has had more ups and downs than I can possibly count on two hands.  I find myself feeling lost, friendless and alone.  I question if I can even be “fixed” or if my life has just been so fucked up to date that my personality has somehow formed from a mashup of all my unresolved issues. And because we cannot afford a therapist and even if …READ MORE

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Blogging

Liebster Award Nomination

What is the Liebster Award? The Liebster Award is an award given by bloggers to bloggers to get to know the person behind the blog.  Holy SHIT that was a lot of blog this blog that blog blog blog blog blog.  But anyway, moving on…  Once nominated you answer ten questions about yourself.  You are supposed to then find ten other bloggers to nominate and ask questions about themselves.  You are also supposed to credit the blogger who nominated you. So….. I don’t remember who sent this to me and it has been so long that I can’t even find the piece of social media that it was on.  We’re talking weeks here not months people!  I am just super talkative on all my fb pages.  I feel really bad about it, I want to credit the person so bad and if they happen to see this, if you are reading this PLEASE!!  Comment on this page, I WANT TO CREDIT YOU!!!  🙂 Moving on..  Here are the questions that I was asked Give a tip for other bloggers or potential blog starters If you start a blog do it because you enjoy writing, not because you are trying to make money. Name the top 3 most beautiful beaches you have visited #1.  Disney private island off the coast of the Bahamas. #2. Jamaica #3. Punta Cana Given the choice of anyone in the world whom would you want as a dinner guest and why? I am really into to Jane the Virgin right now, she is my spirit animal.  I would love to have dinner with Gina Rodriguez. For what in your life do you feel most grateful? My husband, children and family. How & when did you start your blogging career? I found blogging when I was nineteen and everyone who even knew what blogging was did it on a site called Xanga.  Blogging was secretive and no one used it to make money.  It was most literally an online diary.  There was an entire secret world of girls who had eating disorders.  At the time so did I.  So I started blogging as a way to connect with these other girls who were going through the same thing that I was. Which one is the best and more traffic post you made? My most popular post is http://littlebluehazel.com/2016/06/kid-friendly-heat-free-overnight-curls-were-in-love/ It’s one where I tried out a product but it was actually just me buying a new product on my own and trying it out, I wasn’t collaborating yet at the time, I had just started. Who is your favorite beauty and fashion blogger? Honestly some nights I’ll scroll through YouTube and watch whoever but I don’t have a specific favorite that I would be able to name.  I do need to learn how to use a one inch flat iron to curl my hair though, damn.  I cannot for the life of me figure out how my new hairdresser curled my hair so good.  That woman is a queen, …READ MORE

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Dear Diary

Two Steps Forward, One Back

To me the sound of quiet means a cat purring, a dishwasher running, a bunny stirring in his cage, my husband snoring on the couch, two different children songs playing on the monitor switching back and forth and sounds from my brother in law moving around upstairs getting ready for bed.  This is my life right now, total chaos and noise even when it is supposed to be quiet.  This is my life always.  It must be like this for everyone else, I feel like when you become parents quiet no longer exists.  I don’t know what I would do if it was quiet.  I would probably freak out. I have been in the worlds worst mood today, and my last post was just an absolute.. there is just no way to say it without using inappropriate words.  It was a low point.  I was so angry.  I should probably delete it.  Honestly, I have so much anxiety about writing, about putting myself out there, that I think I just avoid it. But I am getting to the point in my life that I realize if I don’t do something, something else is going to give.  I need to get better and be happier.  I know I am a miserable grouch of a person sometimes or a lot of the time, maybe that is why I can never make blogging friends.  Either that or because I never produce any valuable content, it could be that too.  And I know that, I know that I need to get it out there.  I finally sat down and made a blogging schedule so my plan is to put that into motion. I want to start telling my story but it makes me really super uncomfortable to tell my story.  Like really super uncomfortable.  But I know that it is the one piece of me I need to pour out so I can maybe get some closure.  There are so many things in my life that would feel so much better if I talked about them.  I just really don’t know if I can tell the entire story, it honestly might just be a bit too much for this blog because I wanted this blog to be family friendly and fun.  Maybe I will start a separate site for my story.  I don’t know, I will figure it out as I go I guess. Maybe I could just put a warning on the page that it is R rated or something, haha.  X rated, hahaha!! Anyway, I really do have blogging work that I need to get out because I was nominated for two different blogging awards, and I was honestly really excited them when I first found out, before I realized how they actually worked but who cares honestly.  I’ve put myself out there enough that the community knows me and found my name so, that is still cool.  There are a bunch of questions that I have to answer for both of …READ MORE

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Blogging Dear Diary

Be True To Yourself.

I’ve recently come to the realization that I want this blog to be more.  Mostly, because I want myself to be more.  I know that most of you don’t know me and have probably never read a single word I’ve ever written.  Even each and every one of you who now make up the 3k+ followers I’ve gained across social media in the past few months.  I know this because I have been around the block a few times. When I started blogging the entire point was to actually write.  I know, can you believe it?  We all wrote because we wanted to be writers.  SO STRANGE, I know.  We anonymously poured out our souls to each other convincing ourselves we all cared so much,  although we never actually planned to meet in real life.  There was no Twitter or Instagram, or Facebook.  There was no behind the scene pictures and videos.  Blogging was all about the words, the writing, the feelings, the stories.  OUR STORIES. You weren’t running around trying to promote your own face, monetizing and collaborating with brands.  Yet somehow over the past twelve+ years that I’ve been blogging, it has come to this.  The diary like platform I once knew and loved has turned into a full fledge industry crammed with -UPDATED- Because, I am really not the bitch this post makes me out to be. Alright, I’ve definitely said too much.  This isn’t me.  I am not a mean person, I am honestly a really easy going -Nice person.  Well, maybe not easy going but I am nice.  I respect others.  And, I will certainly help anyone who asks, whenever I can.  I have spent the past few months getting to know and help these woman because I genuinely enjoy it… who knew.  And because of my involvement I have now been nominated for two “blogging awards”.  I am pretty sure whoever invented these awards just saw it as another way to pull in page views but lets pretend they actually mean something.  Lets just say, I kinda feel like I have arrived.  The people, they are coming.  I have doubled my page views every month for the past three months.  That is seriously impressive to me.  I laid in bed last night like a crazy person studying my stats projecting my growth for the next year.  What – On – Earth is happening to me? I never saw myself being the type of blogger who could actually make money off of anything that I have written.  And, maybe that is why I have become so salty towards those who do.  In my mind somehow I have convinced myself that I just don’t fit into this world.  I am not all pink and glitter, my house isn’t ready for the pages of Better Homes at any given moment, my look isn’t refined and trendy, I don’t see why anyone would care about my life.  But maybe that is the point.  Maybe there is a place …READ MORE

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Mason's Minute Our YouTube Channel

Baby Mason walks our dog! (Click -Continue Reading- to watch the video!)

I am incredibly busy this week and haven’t had much time to post or for social media in general.  So I wanted to take a minute and share with you my absolute all time favorite video of our son Mason walking our Jack Russel Terrier Roxy, you won’t believe how determined he is!  I recorded this over this past summer while my daughter was busy playing in the splash pad, he would much rather be walking our dog! At the time he was about fifteen months old, it still amazes me how strong he was!  I hope you enjoy it as much as we do! All my love 🙂 Danielle + the rest of the Johnson gang!

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Our YouTube Channel Summer's Corner

Summer’s Corner Episode 1: Summer + Mommy Learn to Karaoke

Hey everyone!  We have been making videos for our YouTube channel for almost five months now!  And, all because our daughter Summer wanted to be just like her favorite YouTube family making fun and silly videos, gaming videos, baking things + doing science experiments.  I’m not gonna lie, it was really strange getting started, I was super uncomfortable being on camera!  Honestly, even Summer felt weird about it and my husband is still getting used to it!  But, I saw it as a way to bond with our daughter and do something fun as a family.  So I set out to start creating these videos that she felt so strongly about.  It started out rough, our first series “The Messy Home Tour” was really just us getting used to having our crazy house + ourselves being filmed.  Once we got rolling, hours and hours into editing, it all started to become fun and exciting!  I now see why this family and so many others Vlog and make all sorts of videos that are then shared with the world!  I get it!  We are definitely still getting used to all of it but it really has brought us closer and given us so many nice memories to look back at already in the sort five months we have been making them! That being said, today we have a very special new video series to share with you!  We are calling this series, “Summer’s Corner” entirely because Summer decided that she wanted to call it that and I lost the battle.  The name is inspired by her favorite YouTube channel FGTeeV who have a space for their son called “Chase’s Corner”.  I tried explaining to her quite a few times that we couldn’t just “copy” their name but she insists that her “channel” needs to be just like his because she is their biggest fan.  I am figuring they have millions of subscribers and we now have 22!!  Yes, 22!!  I am so proud 🙂 because last week we had only 2!  So yeah, I don’t think having a similar name is really going to be a problem. We have made a few videos for her playlist that are coming up in my editing and will be posted soon.  There are actually a few that we recorded before this one but we were working on angles and trying out a different camcorder so the quality/ sound/ view was not very good.  Because of that, I decided to make this our first official video and it is just so silly and cute!  Summer makes me laugh with her enthusiasm and excitement for not only making the video but playing the keyboard, she truly loves all things music and arts just like her momma 🙂 I hope you all enjoy the video and look out for the rest to follow!

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Messy Home Tour Our YouTube Channel

61st Day of Summer

The kids are asleep + this video is hella basic (…..  Insert crazy face emoji here for that comment…  did I really just say basic?  Who am I right now?  Anyway… ) I am just walking around blogging showing off the clean house. In other news…  I am back to editing!  I should finally be finishing up the summertime #messyhometour series very soon and then I will be starting #summerscorner and #mommylearnstokareoke.  So, there will be lots of content coming soon to this blog + our channel!  I also may be joining in on a collab for another blog if I can get my submission done in time!  I really need to sit down too and catch everyone up on a diary post because I have lots to talk about between my internship, school and some cray cray stuff going on at our house right now.  But, I have to make this quick because I have A TON of stuff that needs to be accomplished in the cray cray house today so, until next time my friends!!

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Messy Home Tour Our YouTube Channel

58th Day of Summer

As promised, I was able to edit and post two videos today so here is the second one!  This is actually a follow up video to the last video, I did a second tour around 12:30 am after I finished cleaning the house.  There are a few clips of the kids playing that follow the tour!  This far into the summer I started to realize that I had a lot more of the day to share and started adding in additional footage at some point along the way!  These videos definitely worked exactly the way I had hoped.  It went from walking around showing off our mess to recording the kids playing, showing off the garden, showing off our CLEAN HOME!  Woah, haha!  Me actually yup, you know what I am going to say next…  I started vlogging, for real vlogging, with my face alone on the camera.  I know, I am as shocked as you are.  Then comes “Summer’s Corner” games, karaoke, more playtime.  And, dare I even mention I end up doing karaoke all alone, like for realz singing by myself in front of a camera.  I mean, it isn’t pretty, I can never get through a song with all the right words or stay in key but I did it!  AND, I am really going to post those videos too, for real.  As soon as I get there, in editing.  UGH CURSE YOU ICLOUD!!! But just know, we have so much more fun coming up!!!! SO (please) SUBCRIBE AND STAY TUNED!!!  🙂 THANKS GUYS!  (AND GALS!)

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Messy Home Tour Our YouTube Channel

The 57th Day of Summer

So I thought it would be a good idea to share our new videos from our (click here) ->YouTube<- channel!  I started a video project at the beginning of the summer called “The 77 Days of Summer”.  It was really meant to catapult us into making videos because my daughter, Summer is so intrigued with Vlogging!  Only, we didn’t know where to start, I felt super awkward on camera and I would get SO NERVOUS every time I tried to put something together.  So there we were two weeks in after promising that we would start this venture and nothing, not one movie had been made.  It was the second day of summer and I just said you know what, we gotta start somewhere, everyone has to start somewhere!  I grabbed my phone, turned the camera away from me and started walking around the house, pointing out the mess that had also felt like this huge eyesore we couldn’t get around!  Because, how to do you film around the constant mess?!  Summer at first was like, “Mom..  what are you doing?  This is not what I was talking about!!”.  But a few videos later she was totally on board and our love for making these videos turned into all sorts of shenanigans! Right now I have over a thousand video clips on my phone plus additional footage on our camcorder, ranging from a few seconds to 15 or so minutes each!  I was editing right along until I started to have an issue with iCloud taking all my videos from my phone and leaving only thumbnails of them that would then need to be re-downloaded in order to edit and create each movie.  It might not sound like a major issue but, it is a total pain in the neck!  Downloading is really slow and I lost about ten movies that I was almost ready to post which now have to be 100% redone on my computer and learning how to use iMovie on the computer is a whole different story!  But, slowly I am getting there.  Finally today after about a two week hiatus from posting anything on our channel I sat down at our computer and started to clean up this mess!  I thought too that it might be a good idea to talk about each video as it goes public here so I can have some connection to them on our blog and maybe even an explanation to each one! So without further ado, here is the 57th Day of Summer!  This video is not the most exciting one to be starting this with, I am basically half asleep talking about how messy the house is and forcing myself to stay awake to clean it, haha!  But they do get better I promise!!  Welcome to our home and welcome to The Messy Home Tour!

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Dear Diary

When a Boy Met a Girl + 16 Years

I am absolutely the worlds worst blogger!  I feel terrible that I haven’t sat down to write in so long.  I have so much that I wanted to talk about.  Disney!!  O M G.  How have I not talked about Disney?  I have just been so wrapped up in our videos/ photography/ my internship/ graphics/ summertime/ kids/ house stuff/ mothering lately that I just never seem to get here.  To this seat.  Where I am supposed to be writing.  I have been vlogging though!  Yup.  I am a vlogging, I am a vlogger, it happened.  It was this ever so gradual thing that just happened.  These videos are like my drug right now, I can’t even begin to explain how addictive it is to look back at all the memories, the kids little faces, all the changes in the house.  It is all just so irreplaceable.  I have so much beautiful footage, and silly footage and messy footage!!  It is just all so much fun.  So much that I never want to pull myself away but I am finding a way to balance it all. One day I will get to all the Disney pictures I want to share and all the memories I want to type out.  Honestly, it will probably just end up in another video.  I was thinking about interviewing Summer while were watching my clips that I got while we were there and the pictures.  We could talk and reminisce about it all, I think that would be a lot more enjoyable than me just sitting here trying to make some witty blog post about it. I re-opened my store!  I just got my first order since the not so grand re-opening, ha!  A bracelet, these things fly off the shelves I’ll tell ya, they are by far my number one biggest seller!  It is super cute and simple, I wear mine all the time so I can definitely see it 🙂 There is so much good music out right now I can’t even deal right now!  I want to go to bed early but that will probably never once in my life ever happen haha, so I am sitting here trying to do a quick little update and all I hear is one good song after another, how will I ever turn off this radio?!  Nope, no bed for me, just going to keep jamming out here watching Mark snore on the couch. He is pretty cute 🙂 You guys…… yesterday was our 9th wedding anniversary! So I’m thinking I’ll flood the rest of this page with pictures and head off to bed! Anniversary flowers 🙂 Lookin prettay in the kitchennnnn 🙂 For dinner I made a pork roast, boiled potatoes from our garden and zucchini from my neighbors garden!   The kids played in the yard with the balls from our baby ball pit.  They thought it was super fun to throw them down the slide!   Circa, I have no idea but way …READ MORE

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