Dear Diary


I haven’t been sitting much this week.  I had stumbled upon a babysitting job that was so perfect which got me into this clean house frenzy and then it fell through and kind of broke my heart.  Today, I am not feeling very good.  My stomach is upset and I have a headache.  Summer wasn’t feeling good this morning either but I sent her to school and told her to have the nurse call me, I figured even if she stayed ten minutes it was better than having to bring her to the doctors today for a note.  She has been sick so much this year that we now need a note for every time she is absent.  Come on May, bring on the sunshine and get us out of this rut. I put myself out there as a babysitter to see if I could find anything else for the summer.  I am thinking it would be awesome for the kids to have some playmates and we really need the income right now.  I am also trying to find a realty course that I can take either at night or on the weekends because we have been dreaming about going into realty for years and now and I feel like I am at a point in staying home that I have to do something or we are seriously risking everything. An acquaintance from high school is writing about divorce and openly looking for people to talk to her about their experience.  She seems like a good writer just from the little bit that I talked to her.  I am going to put a little blurb together about what I went through, who knows maybe it could turn into something.  Maybe even get me to a place where I actually want to write about it because I think for the most part at this point I have just blocked out my entire adolescence for one reason or another. I have never talked about my life in all the years that I have been failing at blogging.  I am the failed blogger who never even talked about life.  Like real life.  Why am I here?  Why do I write?  Why am I so damn unhappy all the time?  Stress.  Money.  My parents non existence in my life.  The cystic acne that keeps me hiding from daylight.  My lack of career.  My lack of focus.  My failed jewelry business.  All the times that I have dreamed and failed.  So much failure.  The feeling that my life is almost completely pointless or meaningless.  I mean besides my children and my husband, what else do I really have?  I spend every waking moment of my day cooking, cleaning, worrying, driving kids around, shopping with money that we don’t have.  I mean really.  The moments when I see Mason’s giant smile or Summer tell me that she loves me, those little tiny precious seconds of happiness that is all I have.  Other than that, I am …READ MORE

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Dear Diary The Daily Dress

A Dairy Free Life

A stomach virus ravaged my house for the past three weeks slowly passing from one of us to the other.  It ruined my birthday.  My husband was the sweetest thing bringing me home this beautiful special ordered carrot cake, he said the only cake he’d ever seen me eat was carrot cake.  His heart really was in the right place.  The problem was, my husband is the kind of guy whose ability to cook stops with toasting his bagel in the morning so he had no idea the cake was loaded with cream cheese and butter cream frosting.  It was a devastating blow to my very fragile state but, I healed and pushed through it.  By Wednesday last week after being sick for five days I finally woke up feeling full of energy again and ready to go.  The kids and I went to the beach Wednesday, the zoo Thursday, and back to the beach Friday with my little niece. The girls had a cute little sleepover Friday night and then we spent Saturday hanging around the house.  It was a great, very busy week.  Then Saturday at about two o’clock in the morning I realized I had never brought the kids to go have their picture taken with the Easter bunny, it broke my heart.  Mark was really upset too, we have a picture every year from the time that summer was an itty baby.  Last year we have one of Summer holding itty bitty Mason. So missing it this year makes me so sad.  But at the same time, Mason really doesn’t like masks or strange people.  This was his reaction to Santa…. I mean lets be real here, I already have a picture of him screaming on a strangers lap.  Yet still, I am bummed.  So much that I considered renting a bunny costume just so we could take the picture ourselves.  But when I brought up the idea to Summer she said, “Mommy, I really don’t want to do the picture this year”.  She didn’t want to “do” the picture with Santa this year either, it was like pulling teeth.  Is our tradition over?  Excuse me while I go wipe my tears, I’m crushed.   It has been over a month since I decided to give up dairy as a two week experiment to see if it could help to clear up my skin.  I have cystic acne.  Adult hormonal cystic acne.  Or at least that is what the dermatologist I saw told me.  He also told me to load up on these crazy drugs that were going to change my hormones.  I was like, hell no!  I mean why would anyone be so obliged to make such a drastic decision without at least trying to adjust your diet?  We are what we eat people!  When your inner body is not digesting something correctly, if you are becoming inflamed from eating some (like dairy) especially when you are intolerant (lactose) to it, your insides aren’t the …READ MORE

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Recipes Side Dishes

Savory Quinoa

Quinoa is a simple grain that is extremely nutritious breaking down quickly and easily in our bodies making it one of the best possible carbohydrates we can consume!  This recipe is a family favorite, requested over and over again!!  I originally learned to make a more simple form of this dish years ago from an old friend who introduced me to this amazing and delicious grain!  I hope you enjoy it as much as we do!      

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Dear Diary What I'm Wearing

What I’m Wearing: Day One and Two!

I decided to add a feature called, “What I’m wearing”.  I only have a minute here because it is almost school pick up time but I am going to try and sum it up really quick.  As a stay at home mom, I don’t get out much!  I am new to all of this, I have only been home for a year and was supposed to return to work but was unable to find anything like my old job that could work with the babysitting we had available.  It is a long story in itself that I will tell another time.  But for right now, I had found myself in a real rut.  I stopped doing my hair and wearing make up.  I stopped dressing nice and feeling good about myself.  I have lost almost fifty pounds in the past year getting back to and surpassing my pre-pregnancy weight. My body feels great but I just completely stopped trying to look like anything but a tired, overworked mom.  Because wow holy -cow.  Being home means being on your feel 24×7!  It is so much more work than anything I’ve ever done in my entire life.  I never expected that.  Seriously so many props to every single stay at mom out there.  This is a lot.  Being home by yourself surrounded by children it’s a lot.  But, I love my kids more than anything on earth.  I feel now like I just can’t leave them.  They are my life and I want it that way.  I want to be their life because they are mine. But anyway I am so off track here it’s not even funny!  I started taking selfies because I decided that I needed to get myself dressed every day and put make up on.  That I needed to make my hair look nice and organize, paint and clean.  That I needed to go above and beyond and then beyond that.  Because it will never be good enough until it is.  I know that I have not done the best job possible yet around here.  I know that this house is far from being done but I am getting there.  And I am looking much better doing it!  Like seriously, my husband has been giving me compliments and there is nothing better than that.  There is just nothing better then a happy home and feeling love in your life!  So here are my first two days of “What I’m Wearing”!  Which is mostly cat hair and old clothes from Walmart :). Enjoy!    Tuesday, March 21      Background:  messy Shirt:  Walmart.  Yes, that’s cat hair Pants:  Walmart circa, unknown 1st Day of selfies:  No fun! Wednesday, March 22 After watching some how to videos and purchasing a selfie stick… Better? Background:  A much nicer corner Shirt:  Marshalls, many moons ago Pants:  Very Old Navy  (see what I did there?!  Insert smiley face Emoji here) Shoes today!  Cabelas Lifetime Warrantee boots that I have had on my feet for …READ MORE

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Ear Worm

Ear Worm- April

James Arthur has an incredibly sexy voice and makes love to the song, it. is. amazing.  It makes you feel like love is just the most wonderful feeling in the world.  Which it is.  So when I listen to this song I feel love, I feel everything that it is.  It makes me think of the little moments.  I love when a song makes me feel something deep in the pit of my stomach.  That’s what this song does to me.  It makes me feel love deep down in the pit of my stomach.  And, I love that. Say You Won’t Let Go James Arthur I met you in the dark, you lit me up You made me feel as though I was enough We danced the night away, we drank too much I held your hair back when You were throwing up Then you smiled over your shoulder For a minute, I was stone-cold sober I pulled you closer to my chest And you asked me to stay over I said, I already told ya I think that you should get some rest I knew I loved you then But you’d never know ‘Cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go I know I needed you But I never showed But I wanna stay with you until we’re grey and old Just say you won’t let go Just say you won’t let go I’ll wake you up with some breakfast in bed I’ll bring you coffee with a kiss on your head And I’ll take the kids to school Wave them goodbye And I’ll thank my lucky stars for that night When you looked over your shoulder For a minute, I forget that I’m older I wanna dance with you right now Oh, and you look as beautiful as ever And I swear that everyday you’ll get better You make me feel this way somehow I’m so in love with you And I hope you know Darling your love is more than worth its weight in gold We’ve come so far my dear Look how we’ve grown And I wanna stay with you until we’re grey and old Just say you won’t let go Just say you won’t let go I wanna live with you Even when we’re ghosts ‘Cause you were always there for me when I needed you most I’m gonna love you till My lungs give out I promise till death we part like in our vows So I wrote this song for you, now everybody knows ‘Cause now it’s just you and me till we’re grey and old Just say you won’t let go Just say you won’t let go Just say you won’t let go Oh, just say you won’t let go Songwriters: Neil Richard Ormandy / James Arthur / Steve Solomon Say You Won’t Let Go lyrics © Ultra Tunes, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.

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Fitbit Stats Weight Loss/ Healthy Living

Fitbit Week One

I am working on putting together an Excel spreadsheet of my stats since I started wearing the Fitbit.  I put it together this morning and entered in the stats for my first week.  I need to sit down kid-free for a good hour and enter in the rest.  I also have a few recipes I need to add and the pictures from the kids birthday party + the how to/ don’t do on making a castle cake at home.  I am also going to be adding a segment calling “The Daily Dress” with a weeks worth of selfies, I may or may not add in where the clothes are from but seeing as most of my clothes are from Target/ Walmart/ Marshalls, I don’t really think that’s necessary.  The big thing is, I have been doing it for the past week and it has been giving me that push I needed to do my hair and put on make up every day which makes me feel good.  Being a stay at home mom means a lot of time at home, alone, with your kids, and really no reason to put in the extra effort because you get stuck in this cycle of really: who is going to see me?  But your husband, he sees you.  Your kids, they see you.  You see yourself.  And when you look in the mirror what do you want to see?  You want your reflection to make yourself feel good, we all do, that’s just the honest truth.  We all want to feel good about ourselves because, we should.  We deserve that right, to feel good about ourselves.  So this selfie segment is going to be a testament to that, feeling good about myself, because I am worth it. I am still figuring out how to add the document to the page so it can be viewed inside the post instead of needing to be downloaded.  For now, if you have Excel you can view my stats by clicking the link below. Excel Link:  FITBITWEEKONE Or try the PDF file by clicking the link below. PDF Link:  FITBIT20WEEK20ONE UPDATE:  GOT IT!!

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Fitbit Stats Weight Loss/ Healthy Living

Fitbit Stats Intro

My son is a year old!  I still can’t believe it!  His birthday was March 8th and I hit my pre-pregnancy goal weight on March 4th, honestly there is so much that went into hitting that number.  A full year of time went by.  I gave myself a year with my daughter Summer who is now 6.  I think it really helps to de-stress yourself if you say I have this full year, I need to see changes, I need to see numbers going down, muscle definition coming back, clothes started to loosen and the need for the un-packing of the pre-pregnancy clothes.  I need to have myself back.  But I give myself a year because pregnancy, childbirth and the introduction of a new person in your family is a lot on your body.  Not to mention the sleepless nights, the isolation and the financial stress of being out of work.  This time, I never did go back to work which is just another huge life change for me in itself.  So as long as I saw myself slowly inching back to the former version of myself I didn’t stress.  I actually only just started to feel like ugh I can’t take this body anymore just as my brother gave me my Fitbit for Christmas.  I am in love with my Fitbit.  I instantly became obsessed with the stats.  I needed to see millions of steps.  The sleep tracker fascinates me.  I just can’t even deal with how cool this thing is.  It’s even waterproof and I came up with a way of charging it in my pocket so I never miss a step.  I know, is this certifiable?  Never the less I want to keep track of my stats weekly in a place that I can just look at everything together.  So I thought, what better a place than here?! 1st Pregnancy:  Girl, Summer Rose:  Gained 47 lbs:  Lost 47 lbs before her first birthday  (born 02/21/2011) 2nd Pregnancy:  Boy, Mason Devereux:  Gained 53 lbs:  Lost 53 lbs 4 days before his first birthday!  (born 03/08/2016)

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Kids Crafts Parenting Uncategorized

10 Adorable Kid Friendly Easter Crafts!

Summer was itching for Easter crafts so this morning we searched the internet and came up with a list of our favorites!  We started with a Candy Filled Easter Chick we are in between paint coats at the moment but I will definitely update when we finish.  The cartons we have are a bit different from the ones that she used in her tutorial so I don’t think ours will look exactly the same but still cute for sure.  I would love to try all of these in the next few weeks we have until the big day!  Summer is so excited for the Easter bunny, she is always so anxious about upcoming chances for gifts!  I have adorable little chests planned for Easter this year instead of baskets.  I hope she appreciates them for what they are and isn’t upset by not having a traditional basket this year.  I never know anymore how she will react to things, she is getting so big!  Here is our list that we made of Adorable Kid Friendly Easter Crafts for this holiday! Candy Filled Easter Chicks from Bunny Rabbit Handprint Craft by Spring Footprint Art from Foam Cup Bunny by Peep Houses from Sock Bunnies by apumpkinandaprincess String Easter eggs from Fun Easter egg ideas by Cardstock Easter Cubby Houses from Flower Crowns by What are your favorite Easter crafts?!!  Share them with me in a comment below!

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Dear Diary Travel

New York: An Idiots Guide to the City

Growing Pains.  That’s what our trip to New York City on Saturday was.  The show was amazing but we were clueless.  We don’t know transportation or where were going or when things close.  We made all of the mistakes and I want to share my experience so you won’t make the same mistakes that we made. Do use the subway.  Turns out it is only $3 a ride and you can get from one end of the city to the other.  I mean really that is a no brainer.  If you know the subway system you are golden.  Instead we walked 40 blocks in the rain, in the cold, wearing hoodies because we thought that we wouldn’t want to have to hold our jackets in the club. Do call ahead.  To everywhere.  If we had called ahead to the club we would have learned they had a coat check.  We would have worn our jackets and if we had used the subway we would have been warm and dry.  Instead we were soaked and cold.  My boots were sopping wet.  We had to stop and buy a three pack of socks, I had to change into a double layer then walk the rest of the way there.  When we got there I had to change my socks again.  We somehow magically got there right at 6 on the dot and were able to walk into an empty club walk upstairs to this awesome lounge area where no one was sitting and relax.  I took off my boots and tried to air them out a bit.  I put my feet up on the table and just stared out at the stage it was amazing. If you are going to a show like the one that we went to ideally you want to wear as little as possible.  I would have been much more comfortable in a tank top and a pair of toms with no socks.  If we had known about the coat check and the subway I would have been appropriately dressed.  All things to consider for the future. The show was absolutely amazing.  I went completely nuts jumping up and down in the middle of the crowd, singing every word.  We were so close, I was in the second row from the stage for the entire second half of their set.  I could see the sweat on Buddy’s face, the guitarist looked straight into my eyes and we were pointing to each other singing, he did the same thing to Mark I talked to him about it last night.  I mean seriously moments that I will remember for the rest of my life.  Looking up at that area above with all the people looking over us all around us.  Buddy said a few times and even posted about it on Facebook that it was the best show they had ever done.  I felt it.  Honestly all the bands that played up until the show.  The show being listed as …READ MORE

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Dear Diary Family Time

The Calm After the Storm

This past week has been hectic.  I wasn’t able to write every day like I’ve been trying to do.  We had the kids birthday parties on Sunday, it was fun, we partied hard, and I am still cleaning up here, it is Friday, yeah.  The bowling party was a huge success, I honestly want to have bowling parties every year and no more 30+ family members crowding our house parties in the future.  The castle cake was a success!  I have tons of pictures + a how to coming! Mark and I are taking a little mini trip to NYC tomorrow to see one of our favorite bands and stay in this super swanky looking hotel.  I am so excited and at the same time nervous about leaving the kids and stressed out about my face again.  My skin looked the clearest it has been in months the day of the party.  It was like an acne free day.  I had nothing to feel self conscious about, I was just feeling beautiful.  In the days following the party I have gotten a repeat full out breakout in the exact same spot the first one was which I have been desperately trying to clear all week.  I just want to go away for the night with my husband, get all sweaty watching good music, frolic around the city and have great sex.  I am thirty, almost thirty one years old, why do I have to be dealing with this?!!  It almost doesn’t seem fair. We had a blizzard here!!  We had a driving ban all day Tuesday so my husband had the day off of work, it was so nice!  We have an easy foot of snow on the ground right now.  I took the kids sledding the other day, Mason was not amused.  He didn’t cry though, not once.  I have to give it to this little guy he is tough, so tough.  And, he is walking so much more this week.  He is making it clear across the room now and gently lowering himself down to the ground.  He is so strong and determined.  He is saying “hi” and shaking his head yes and no.  He is climbing from the floor onto the table and couch and then back down again.  And yesterday he started going back down the stairs, completely backwards, he didn’t turn around and scoot like I thought he would.  The first year is so amazing.  I wish I had written down so many more of his milestones.  Talked about them and expressed how they made me feel.  But that is why I am writing now, so I don’t miss out on any more of them for him or for Summer. I promised a toboggan trip to a giant hill after nap time today.  Pray for me now!  Summer loves going down, going up however! So today in a last attempt to clear up my face yet again for NYC I am mixing up salt water …READ MORE

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