Dear Diary

Two Steps Forward, One Back

To me the sound of quiet means a cat purring, a dishwasher running, a bunny stirring in his cage, my husband snoring on the couch, two different children songs playing on the monitor switching back and forth and sounds from my brother in law moving around upstairs getting ready for bed.  This is my life right now, total chaos and noise even when it is supposed to be quiet.  This is my life always.  It must be like this for everyone else, I feel like when you become parents quiet no longer exists.  I don’t know what I would do if it was quiet.  I would probably freak out. I have been in the worlds worst mood today, and my last post was just an absolute.. there is just no way to say it without using inappropriate words.  It was a low point.  I was so angry.  I should probably delete it.  Honestly, I have so much anxiety about writing, about putting myself out there, that I think I just avoid it. But I am getting to the point in my life that I realize if I don’t do something, something else is going to give.  I need to get better and be happier.  I know I am a miserable grouch of a person sometimes or a lot of the time, maybe that is why I can never make blogging friends.  Either that or because I never produce any valuable content, it could be that too.  And I know that, I know that I need to get it out there.  I finally sat down and made a blogging schedule so my plan is to put that into motion. I want to start telling my story but it makes me really super uncomfortable to tell my story.  Like really super uncomfortable.  But I know that it is the one piece of me I need to pour out so I can maybe get some closure.  There are so many things in my life that would feel so much better if I talked about them.  I just really don’t know if I can tell the entire story, it honestly might just be a bit too much for this blog because I wanted this blog to be family friendly and fun.  Maybe I will start a separate site for my story.  I don’t know, I will figure it out as I go I guess. Maybe I could just put a warning on the page that it is R rated or something, haha.  X rated, hahaha!! Anyway, I really do have blogging work that I need to get out because I was nominated for two different blogging awards, and I was honestly really excited them when I first found out, before I realized how they actually worked but who cares honestly.  I’ve put myself out there enough that the community knows me and found my name so, that is still cool.  There are a bunch of questions that I have to answer for both of …READ MORE

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Blogging Dear Diary

Be True To Yourself.

I’ve recently come to the realization that I want this blog to be more.  Mostly, because I want myself to be more.  I know that most of you don’t know me and have probably never read a single word I’ve ever written.  Even each and every one of you who now make up the 3k+ followers I’ve gained across social media in the past few months.  I know this because I have been around the block a few times. When I started blogging the entire point was to actually write.  I know, can you believe it?  We all wrote because we wanted to be writers.  SO STRANGE, I know.  We anonymously poured out our souls to each other convincing ourselves we all cared so much,  although we never actually planned to meet in real life.  There was no Twitter or Instagram, or Facebook.  There was no behind the scene pictures and videos.  Blogging was all about the words, the writing, the feelings, the stories.  OUR STORIES. You weren’t running around trying to promote your own face, monetizing and collaborating with brands.  Yet somehow over the past twelve+ years that I’ve been blogging, it has come to this.  The diary like platform I once knew and loved has turned into a full fledge industry crammed with -UPDATED- Because, I am really not the bitch this post makes me out to be. Alright, I’ve definitely said too much.  This isn’t me.  I am not a mean person, I am honestly a really easy going -Nice person.  Well, maybe not easy going but I am nice.  I respect others.  And, I will certainly help anyone who asks, whenever I can.  I have spent the past few months getting to know and help these woman because I genuinely enjoy it… who knew.  And because of my involvement I have now been nominated for two “blogging awards”.  I am pretty sure whoever invented these awards just saw it as another way to pull in page views but lets pretend they actually mean something.  Lets just say, I kinda feel like I have arrived.  The people, they are coming.  I have doubled my page views every month for the past three months.  That is seriously impressive to me.  I laid in bed last night like a crazy person studying my stats projecting my growth for the next year.  What – On – Earth is happening to me? I never saw myself being the type of blogger who could actually make money off of anything that I have written.  And, maybe that is why I have become so salty towards those who do.  In my mind somehow I have convinced myself that I just don’t fit into this world.  I am not all pink and glitter, my house isn’t ready for the pages of Better Homes at any given moment, my look isn’t refined and trendy, I don’t see why anyone would care about my life.  But maybe that is the point.  Maybe there is a place …READ MORE

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