I’ve recently come to the realization that I want this blog to be more. Mostly, because I want myself to be more. I know that most of you don’t know me and have probably never read a single word I’ve ever written. Even each and every one of you who now make up the 3k+ followers I’ve gained across social media in the past few months. I know this because I have been around the block a few times. When I started blogging the entire point was to actually write. I know, can you believe it? We all wrote because we wanted to be writers. SO STRANGE, I know. We anonymously poured out our souls to each other convincing ourselves we all cared so much, although we never actually planned to meet in real life. There was no Twitter or Instagram, or Facebook. There was no behind the scene pictures and videos. Blogging was all about the words, the writing, the feelings, the stories. OUR STORIES. You weren’t running around trying to promote your own face, monetizing and collaborating with brands. Yet somehow over the past twelve+ years that I’ve been blogging, it has come to this. The diary like platform I once knew and loved has turned into a full fledge industry crammed with -UPDATED- Because, I am really not the bitch this post makes me out to be. Alright, I’ve definitely said too much. This isn’t me. I am not a mean person, I am honestly a really easy going -Nice person. Well, maybe not easy going but I am nice. I respect others. And, I will certainly help anyone who asks, whenever I can. I have spent the past few months getting to know and help these woman because I genuinely enjoy it… who knew. And because of my involvement I have now been nominated for two “blogging awards”. I am pretty sure whoever invented these awards just saw it as another way to pull in page views but lets pretend they actually mean something. Lets just say, I kinda feel like I have arrived. The people, they are coming. I have doubled my page views every month for the past three months. That is seriously impressive to me. I laid in bed last night like a crazy person studying my stats projecting my growth for the next year. What – On – Earth is happening to me? I never saw myself being the type of blogger who could actually make money off of anything that I have written. And, maybe that is why I have become so salty towards those who do. In my mind somehow I have convinced myself that I just don’t fit into this world. I am not all pink and glitter, my house isn’t ready for the pages of Better Homes at any given moment, my look isn’t refined and trendy, I don’t see why anyone would care about my life. But maybe that is the point. Maybe there is a place …READ MORE
This is where I start over again. This is where I say to myself this time it is going to work, this time I am going to push through all of my insecurities and pour my heart out the way I always picture it in my head. This time is going to be different. The month of February was like something out of the shining in our house. It was the absolute definition of Murphy’s law. When I say everything that could go wrong did go wrong I mean it with every ounce of spirit I have left inside of me. And, were still going here days into March but somehow I am still optimistically naive that we are almost through this. As much as I really do want to unveil the play by play here I just don’t have the inspiration right this second to pour my heart out so I am going to stick to my main agenda. Which is, proving to myself that I am still here that this blog is not going to fall by the wayside like all blogs of the past and to celebrate that I am finally able to blog after the death of yet another laptop. I am going to write every day for the next month even if it means just little blurbs like this where I’m like hey I am alive and well dear diary or something more meaningful. This is how I ease into becoming the blogger I have always dreamed of being. This is how I create the habit of writing that this time will stick. I got this.